Home   Dealing With Grief   Dealing With Grief – The Worse Day Of Grief

I think the worse day of grief is the day after the service.

You wake up knowing your love one is truly gone.

For me the tears came immediately even though I didn’t think I had any more tears to shed.

All the pain I’d pushed down as we planned the services overtook me. I felt as if someone ripped my heart into shreds.

I didn’t want to move from the bed. I wanted to curl up into a ball and go to heaven with her.

How could I live in a world without my mama? I’d never experienced a world without her.

I thought going off to the Navy was hard. This was ten times worse because I’d never talk to her again.

Why Lord why!

It hurt.

I hurt all over.

I wanted my mama back. I know it was selfish to want her back. She was no longer in pain. We weren’t at the hospital every day wishing she’d wake up.

I didn’t care I still wanted her back.

I got out of bed and started my first real day without my mother. It was hard because I reached to call her a bunch of times through out the day. I cried whenever I thought about her. 

I was so thankful I didn’t share my cubicle with anyone else.  They didn’t have to witness the tears flowing down my face.

I know what kept me going, what continues to keep me going is a saying my mama use to say to us – Just keep on living.

When she use to tell me and my sisters this we use to look at her like she was crazy.  What the heck does that mean?

Now we know – life keeps on even during the tough times and you have to keep on living.

I say to you as you walk through your grief to keep on living.

God has you, your family has you and your friends have you. You will make it through.

How did you handle your worse day of grief?

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2 Comments

  1. I grieved the loss of two kiddos. Every time I came home I slept on a certain couch. Even as time progressed I still slept there not knowing why. I remember having some close friends and family helping us by sitting with us or offering food. It helped. Then being able to speak about it helped me to heal.

  2. I’m sorry for your loss Ashley, I can’t imagine the pain of losing children. Grief is hard and its something we all go through. It does teach us that we can survive though our worse pain. Sometimes we don’t think of it like that but I think its a a way for God to show us that we are stronger than we think.

    You are strong Ashley because you didn’t let this pain make you bitter. You are encourager.
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